You Got Served

There I was, minding my own business, not a care in the world--sipping away at my beer with two elbows resting comfortably on the bar. I look over to the “dance floor” of this little St. Paul bar and see a single form twirling and dancing the night away. I pay him little head other than to note the commitment he has to his art. He really really liked to dance. Not necessarily in a gay way, but let’s face it, probably not a straight guy. We can’t dance… at least not like that. There were people milling about seeing much the same spectacle as I with about the same level of interest. And then it happened. I saw something I had thought I would never see. I assumed, like most of us, that I would live my entire life and never have the opportunity to see it. You go through life hearing about things that happen to other people in other places and you really don’t believe they happen at all. It’s an urban myth, a legend, the stuff of poorly written Hollywood movies. But there it was, unfolding before my eyes… a real life, honest to God dance-off.

I shit you not. Someone got served.

This was not some hum-drum feigned attempt at humor. This was not a couple of gay guys capitalizing on the kitsch of the concept. This was not even what you would expect from a Minnesota dance-off where, let’s face it, this sort of thing is just too public, too “out there”. No, this was a sincere, intense competition initiated by… well I’m not quite sure who initiated this. I know little of such things. Perhaps the guy dancing alone is the initiator. But as this scene unfolded the voice of Howard Cosell entered my mind, giving me a vivid and colorful play-by-play of the action:

"There he is. Guy 1. Dancing the way only he... can... do it.
But wait, a challenger has stepped into the arena.
Guy 2 confronts Guy 1. Face to face, nose to nose the intensity of their expressions tells the story. This battle royal has… just… gotten… started.
These two gladiators of the dance floor are destined to make history tonight.
With an outstretched set of hands Guy 2 makes his challenge and performs an eclectic set of hip-hop maneuvers reminiscent of a young Lynn Curtis Swan.
Guy 1 snubs him! He turns away from Guy 2 seemingly uninterested in engaging him in this contest. A move he deftly performs with the grace and poise of a well practiced warrior… of… the dance.
Could this be over before it has even begun?
Guy 2 has moved away. Unable to claim victory he looks as though he has given up. His movements languish as he exits the dance floor in disgust.
There will be no victory tonight. No challenge worthy of his talents
But hold on just… one… minute!
Guy 1 is back in action. He moves swiftly to the edge of the dance floor spinning Guy 2 around on his heels.
Oh snap!
They are at it again. This time it’s personal and it’s for real.
We are watching a no-holds-barred clash of the titans of dance."

This goes on for the entire length of the song. Back and forth these two guys go. Taking turns aggressively showing their “steps”, getting in each other's face, and generally "dance-fighting". This was singularly, the most awesome thing I think I have ever seen.

As for who won this contest? I think it’s safe to assume that any time you witness an event of this kind… everyone wins.

P.S. - I just cracked myself up by saying "Oh Snap!" alound in Howard Cosell's voice. Try it.