Like Douglas MacArthur, I announce my triumphant return. Malaproposition was on a brief hiatus over the last few weeks as the Holidays and their subsequent ridiculousness occupied a substantial amount of my time. But I have now returned, and have a rich landscape of topics from which to choose.Where to begin? I spent the Holidays in Phoenix with my family. It was nice to see them and I always enjoy spending time with them in spite of being in Phoenix... not my favorite city. It’s ugly, new, everything is the same color and everyone there is from somewhere else—there’s just no sense of community. About the only thing I dislike more than Christmas itself is having to cope with it in Phoenix. Which brings me to today's topic:
The War on Christmas.
Bill O’Reilly is a dick. Let’s just get that out of the way. At one point I thought perhaps he was just misunderstood and maybe he really is a reasonable guy who does his best to tell the stories that people need to hear. So in the interest of reaching out to my fellow man I read one of his books.
Yep. He’s a dick alright.
This War on Christmas is, more or less, his invention. But here’s the great part, in his own words the War on Christmas is:
"…all part of the secular progressive agenda to get Christianity and spirituality and Judaism out of the public square. If you can get religion out, then you can pass secular progressive programs, like legalization of narcotics, euthanasia, abortion at will, gay marriage, because the objection to those things is religious-based, usually."
My God… that’s the most sensible thing I think I have ever heard anyone say. Bill O’Reilly just prescribed the cure for pretty much all of America’s problems. We must kill Christmas. I call for an immediate mobilization of what’s left of our military to execute a shock and awe campaign against this holiday. We should hand out portable SAMs to citizens in case that fat fuck Santa happens to be flying by… that home-invading, child fondling prick has to be stopped.
War on Christmas? Are you kidding me?
Jesus Christ.
4 comments:
Hurray! Welcome back, Malaproposition!
Since it's the New Year, here's a plug for a nascent project I'm working on: The Art Happy Hour!
In Minnesota, Art Happy Hour will take place on the first Friday of every month. The first Art Happy Hour will happen in February. Stay tuned!
Oops. Bolloxed link.
Here's a (hopefully) working link to the Art Happy Hour.
Good to have you back. Sometimes I think you're like the BBS id blog.
I missed you darlin'. Welcome back.
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