Shut Up and Take My Money.

There is an employee of a Blockbuster Video near my house who really cares about his job. Simply put, he’s passionate about renting movies and signing people up for their Rewards Program. That sounds like a good thing at first glance, but trust me… it’s not. All that good will and intent has somehow manifested itself into a pathetic, awkwardly enthusiastic stage persona. When he puts on that little blue shirt he is “in character” he’s… “on” for lack of a better word. It’s an ugly, transparent performance. Imagine the smarmiest, most predictably pedantic used car salesman you can think of, then give him the brain of 14 year old girl and put him in the body of the “comic book guy” from the Simpsons.

There you go.

Now you’re getting the picture. I suspect a shiver just went down your spine. “Hey how ya doin’? Cold enough for ya?” “Oh sorry we’re closed… JUST KIDDING! Ha ha ha.” “Hey, I see you’re looking at older movies, you should be on our rewards program.” This fucking guy. He pushes that God damned rewards program like a crack dealer. It is high pressure sales of the lowest possible order:

Me: “No Thanks.”
Blockbuster Guy: “But ya know, it’s free to sign up and you could get one of those movies today for free.”
Me: “I Think I’ll pass.”
Blockbuster Guy: “Are ya sure, because looking at your history, it could have saved you some money. It’s a really good deal.”
Me: “I’m good.”
Blockbuster Guy: “It just takes a minute to fill out the form.”
Me: [silence]

I cringe every time I see him and always try to get in line at the other register because, I don’t want the fucking rewards card. I’m sure it is a great deal. Yes, I understand that with my rental history you could have saved me $5 already… I simply don’t give a fuck. I want to take my movies and get the hell out of this bright, obnoxious store. A few weeks back, I was standing in line behind 2 other people at the “other register”. There is never a line at his. He told the next guy in line to “Come on over.” “No waiting, aisle 2! Ha ha ha!”. The guy looked over at him and said something that almost restored my faith in humanity:

Guy in Line: “No. I think I’ll stay here. I don’t want to deal with your sales pitch.”
BlockBuster Guy: Oh c’mon, I won’t give the sales pitch.”
Guy in Line: “No, I think I’ll just wait here in this line… I don’t want to deal with you.”
Blockbuster Guy: “Guess I did something wrong.”
Guy in Line: “Yes.”

My hero.

Then Blockbuster Guy told the next person in line (an older lady) that she should come over to his register and in his unflappable way repeated his earlier call: “No waiting, aisle 2.” She just looked up and shook her head at him. Then he looked at me and I did the same. It was a mutiny. We were four people deep at this register waiting for the quiet, 16 year kid to scan our DVD’s and let us be on our way without a word.

We were rebelling against, not just this guy, but the whole false sense of urgency and consumerism that pervades the place. I realized then that we were all pissed about being there in the first place. We were all mad that Blockbuster has pretty much driven out all the competition leaving us with little choice. We felt guilty and dirty for contributing to the downfall of Western society and this guy… this poor guy was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

For one brief moment, four complete strangers united. I live for these moments. We banned together and said: “No more bullshit. Not today my friend.” It was a small victory that came at the expense of this guy’s ego and severely undermined his sense of self worth.

That made it all the sweeter.