“Well I have to disagree with my opponent because you see, I hate Mexicans and gays WAY more than he does.”
There were only two things even remotely intelligent in that debate, some of the very good questions and John McCain… who is also an asshole but can at least state his position on torture (he’s against it). The others couldn’t quite get that far. Are you fucking kidding me?
In order to better understand the pressing issues of our day, I have made this handy chart highlighting what was discussed during the debate.
Did you notice anything missing there? You see, when it comes right down to it, there’s only one issue that really concerns me… dying. I’m against it. I figure I’ll either die from lack of medical attention or from some environmental catastrophe. So let me get this straight, eight old white guys, twenty eight questions and not a single word about health care or the environment?
I understand that not everyone had a chance to see this debate. I feel it’s my obligation to help educate the electorate about the wide, and varied choices available to them from the Republican party. With eight candidates to choose from, the typical voter may be overwhelmed with their choices. As such, I have provided a voting guide to help you, the reader, navigate the complexities of Republican presidential politics.
Candidate Summary
- Mit Romney is a fucking tool.
- Fred Thompson is an asshole.
- Rudy Giuliani is in over his head.
- Mike Huckabee is Jesus freak and (I suspect) a closet homosexual.
- John McCain is a grumpy old man who can’t figure out the remote control.
- Ron Paul is crazy.
- Tom Tancredo is racist xenophobe.
- Duncan Hunter is… well irrelevant
9 comments:
Very helpful summary! Thanks, Malap.
I hope you will do a similar breakdown for a future Dem candidate debate.
Ron Paul is crazy. Crazy awesome.
MF, You will be seeing a similarly informative synopsis of the Democrats. It's making the little chart that takes the most the time.
P.S. - This chart was based on the questions beinf asked of hte candidates. It should be noted that CNN is the one who choose the questions. So one can hardly blame the Republicans for the percentages of issues being disucssed. You can only blame them for their trite, ridiculous and irresponsibly mean-spirited responses.
Got it.
Give em hell hairy balls!
BTW, when you describe someone as "crazy," do you mean it in a positive way (like Mike does)?
BTWBTW, I (used to) know Mike, and he's crazy too!
MF,
I mean crazy-awesome.
Hmmm. Not sure you know Mike. He doesn't seem to know you. Is this Mike you are thinking of crazy or crazy-awesome?
He's crazy as in you-drive-me-crazy crazy.
But I mean that in a good way.
Like the fine young cannibals!
You used to know me!?
i would like to fuck mexicans 28% of the time too!
Thanks for sharing, GJ.
Ever notice that most Blogspot users block access to their profiles? What's up with that? You're a blogger, fer fucksake. If you want privacy, maybe get an analog journal.
Oh, and yes, I think I used to know you. You're Mike, right?
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