mal•a•prop n. - the unintentional misuse of a word by confusion with one that sounds similar

Example: You need an altitude adjustment, you’re too self-defecating.”

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prop•o•si•tion (prp-zshn) n.

1. A Subject for discussion or analysis.
2. A statement that affirms or denies something.

Example: “I think you should go play a nice game of hide-and-go-fuck-yourself.”

Friday, February 1, 2008

Every Little Thing, Gonna Be Alright

If I ever write a book, I already know what the dedication will be: “Dedicated in loving memory to my youth, hope and optimism.”

From what I understand people seem to think of me as somewhat of a cynic. I don’t know where they get that idea, but I guess that’s typical isn’t it? Just what I would expect from... “people”. Ever since I can remember, these same people have been extolling the virtues of positivism. As if thinking everything is going to turn out wonderful is sufficient. The theory goes something like this: “If you think positive thoughts and have a positive, optimistic outlook then good, positive things will happen. If you have a pessimistic outlook, bad things will happen.”


It goes without saying that this is utter and complete nonsense.


















“Believe it is possible to solve your problem. Tremendous things happen to the believer. So believe the answer will come. It will.”
- Norman Vincent Peale

Yeah? Okay Norm, I BELIEVE that I won’t die. I am immortal. Wow. That feels great. The burden of mortality has been lifted. I think I’ll just wander into traffic, chain smoke and eat a pound of bacon for every hour I am awake--which is a lot since I’ll be coked up and pointing guns at cop cars all night. Without any negative consequences I can do anything I want. Now that I think about it, that’s actually what’s going on with people who end up featured in the Darwin Awards. They’re not stupid, they’re just very positive people.

Why on earth would anyone plan for success? “I know, let’s spend all our energy focusing on what good things could happen to us and not plan at all for the horrible maelstrom of shit that could happen to us. That way when it does (and it will) we’ll be totally unprepared for it.”


Focusing on the positive is like masturbating without a Kleenex.

Think about it.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

If by "cynic" you mean "brilliant observer of the absurd foibles, overarching delusions, and self-defeating neuroses of the human race," then, yeah, I guess I'd call you a cynic too.

Scott Muggli said...

You're far too kind. Thanks for sticking with me though. I think you may be my only remaining reader.

Patina said...

I don't think it can really be called cynicism or negativity if its simply an honest observation of the truth.

I've enjoyed your observations of "truth" for almost 25 years now.

Marc Conklin said...

"I think I’ll just wander into traffic, chain smoke and eat a pound of bacon for every hour I am awake." Wait a minute, don't you do that anyway? YOU THINK YOU'RE IMMORTAL!

Scott Muggli said...

You caught me. Just call me "Highlander" there can be only one.