Dear God...

I've read the bible. The New Testament, the Old Testament, the Catholic version of each. I've read the Koran or Qur'an depending on how technical you want to be about it. Now you may be asking yourself: "Is he really going to take on religion now?"

No.

Well, yes, I guess I am -- in a way. I just want to tackle some basics of Christianity for a moment. Play along with me because it's a little game I think we can all appreciate. There are, of course the "Seven Deadly Sins", but there are also the seven "Heavenly Virtues". Here's the game, read through the "Virtues" and give yourself (be honest now) 1 point for each that you really... REALLY think you have. So, there are seven, a good score is, I guess 5, a bad score being 2.

Here they are -- in case you need help, there are wikipedia links to guide you (you should read them before you decide how you answer: 


 - Chastity
 - Temperance
 - Charity
 - Diligence
 - Patience
 - Kindness
 - Humility

So out of a total score of seven, I rated myself as a five out of seven. "Not bad Malaprop! Good for you!" Oh contraire my friend -- because remember, we must then subtract our score on the religious paradigm of the righteous by the "Seven DEADLY Sins" which counteract these virtues.

They are: 


 - Lust
  - Gluttony
 - Greed
 - Sloth

 - Wrath
 - Envy
 - Pride

So do it. Yep, give yourself a "minus one" on each of those bad boys.

Sucks huh?

I'm going to assume that, as a bare minimum, one's ticket to heaven must have at least a zero stamped on the back.

My ticket? - 1

Shit.