So if you have anything important to say to anyone in your life, I suggest you do it within the next 45 days. You see, the Universe is about to unfold at a point and collapse in on itself. Not as the result of God’s final judgment on mankind, but rather as the result of curiosity. The Large Hadron Collider project is underway. The goal essentially is to bring about the Grand Unifying Theory of the Universe by bringing together such elusive concepts as gravity and energy. In other words, there are a bunch of scientists in an underground bunker in France trying to create black holes and inject matter into the Universe while simultaneously attempting to disrupt the gravitational constants that bind our little planet together so they can… “See what happens.”This is the kind of shit that keeps me up at night.
I’m less afraid of nuclear war than I am of some Swedish scientist somehow ripping a gaping-wide whole in the space-time continuum or collapsing matter into itself in order to see what happens. I’m less afraid of killer bees… but only slightly because they still scare the hell out of me. I don’t think we’ll have time to see the effects of global climate change destroy our civilization. No… I am afraid of nerds. I went through this same anxiety about 5 years ago when some punk European scientist claimed that he was able to transport a particle of light or some such nonsense and have it exist simultaneously in two places. Wait a minute… is he actually adding matter to the Universe? WTF? Hold on a minute there… are you sure you’ve thought this one through? I mean, won’t that sort of break physics? It turns out he was wrong. How do I know this you ask? Well it’s simple really, we still exist.
I know, I know… “They said the same thing about breaking the sound barrier or the Manhattan Project”. Comparing the Manhattan Project to this little experiment in Universal Russian Roulette is like… well I am not sure what it’s like. I’m not sure what to compare this to other than it’s like comparing an atomic bomb to a black hole that’s filled with a bunch of atomic bombs.
That said, I can’t wait to see what happens.
2 comments:
I've heard about this little experiment in a couple of different places, but I've yet to hear the official response... you know, from Science (who I think is off visiting The Internet) on why it's okay... why, even if it's successful, we'll um, live. Have you heard such a rebuttal so I can sleep at night? Because otherwise, you're just adding to my paranoia about Climate Change, bee colony collapse, PVCs and cancer-causing chemicals leeching from my non-stick frying pan into my son's stomach.
hypothetically... wouldn't a black hole filled with atomic bombs be safer then a single atomic bomb, black holes suck up all the bad stuff, and well, everything for that matter but still, less nuclear winter sounds good to me.
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